You Know You've Hit The Big-Time When...

You know you’ve hit the big-time when the media come up with a combo-name for you: Brangelina, Bennifer, TomKat, Jedward. That’s right; X-Factor ‘stars’ John and Edward have unbelievably but impressively made it to Portmanteau Status mere months after bounding onto our screens with fake American accents and a distinct lack of talent.

How, one wonders, have a pair of mediocre/poor singers with such irritating personalities even been given the time of day, yet alone become almost national treasures, drawing in crowds of over 14 million viewers?! At the tender age of 17, these cocky boys seem to have the world at their feet, with talks of record deals, television deals and modelling contracts being carelessly thrown around, regardless of where they ended up in the show.

Tone deaf with dancing skills comparable to constipated orang-utans on crack, it may well be hard to believe how Jedward have gone from irritating, arrogant, 17 year olds with inadvisable gravity-defying quiffs who we loved to hate prancing around in red PVC to Britney, to celebrities in their own right with their own (c-list) star following. With Peaches Geldof calling herself their number one groupie, Heat’s ‘Jedmania’ campaign with ‘Jed We Can!’ T-shirts and countless Facebook groups pledging love for the blonde leprechauns, support has slowly but surely risen until they became the sole reason why so many people tuned in weekly.

The unfolding drama surrounding Lucie Jones’ shock eviction after Simon Cowell’s surprising choice to leave it up to the public vote (which resulted in the continued presence of Jedward in this so-called ‘singing competition’) provoked a public outcry. But in-keeping with the old-age phrase ‘all publicity is good publicity,’ it appears that the surrounding controversy only led to a steady increase in both viewing and popularity. Suddenly, it became ‘cool’ to love them. Facebook statuses and tweets of love spread like wildfire, but are we really surprised?

Haven’t the nation always loved a good novelty act, which is always surprisingly popular throughout the competition? Who can forget the cringe-worthy Cheeky Girls who are still desperately trying to cling onto their fame years later (via engagement to politician Lembik Opik to their upcoming stripping TV reality program ‘Pants Off Dance Off’) or sickly sweet sibling duo Same Difference? I’m sure everyone can remember Chico of ‘It’s Chico Time!’ so-called fame, and even Rhydian and G4 made it through to the final in their respective years. The public love an act which offers something different – an act to get everyone talking, a performance to argue about over lunch or bitch about by the office water cooler.

The lack of talent, though, is slightly concerning. The boys can’t even harmonize or stay in tune for longer than 4 consecutive notes, and their terrible dance moves are rarely even in time with one another. On one hand, the majority of the mediocre X-Factor contestants take themselves way too seriously, meaning that Jedward’s comedy performances offered some light relief, with their ridiculous outfits and even more ridiculous song and dance combinations.Finally, though, the dream is over. The viewers and judge's couldn't pull through for these underdogs following their weak last performance and they were sent home by Dannii Minogue. Interestingly, she tried to create more controversy by playing to what the audience wanted; asking them before she made her decision whether she was judging a singing competition or not. Unfortunately for Jedward, the audience screamed 'yes' in their thousands, despite the twins' dedicated following, meaning that they've finally been released back into the real world.

But how did they survive this far? The media are throwing around 'conspiracy theories' aplenty, wondering whether that the public are rebelling against music mogul Cowell and his control over today's talent, others claiming that they are aliens. The Times has suggested that Jedward are a postmodern artworld joke, whilst hints have been made towards hair-gel companies paying for them to stay as long as possible. Either way, now they're gone, it's all over. All that's left are a bunch of boring singers. The Guardian TV and Radio Blog put it perfectly:

'Who does that leave in the running to win X Factor? Nobody, that's who. Nobody interesting, anyway. Danyl's too objectionable, Lloyd's too dull. Stacey's too self-consciously zany. Joe's got too many teeth. Olly clearly wants to be Shane Richie when he grows up.'

The X-Factor publicity generators have gone, and it will be interesting to see how the viewing figures will be affected following their departure. Dannii's question was controversial but apt – whilst the competition should be about pure raw talent (such as Leona Lewis), there is more interest surrounding the judges arguments, what Cheryl and Dannii are wearing and whether Cheryl is wearing her ring this week. Scarily though, if half as many people were as passionate about the elections as they were about this talent program, it is more than likely that our country would be a hell of a lot better run.

Much though I'd like to think that rather like Big Brother 'stars,' there will be a media frenzy for a week or too before they fade into relative Z-list obscurity, it looks like Jedward will be sticking around for the foreseeable future. Their relentless energy, good natured-ness, ability to laugh at themselves and their wholesome good looks seems to be a winning combination. If their PR continues to work as hard as they have been doing, there is no stopping this terrible twosome.

The Death of British Comedy?

Following on from my blog on British identity last week, I couldn’t help but notice the increasing trend of ‘political correctness gone mad’ not only in general society but recently in comedy as well. Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past year or so, it will have been difficult to escape the mass-hysteria surrounding the Brand/Ross prank phone calls to ‘national treasure’ Andrew Sachs about his granddaughter, and more recently the Jimmy Carr backlash following his amputee joke.

Given that we, the British, have always seemed to pride ourselves on our readiness for laughter, it is more than a little concerning that so many seem to have had a sense of humour bypass somewhere along the way to 2010. Aside from electing Boris Johnson as Mayor of London and the continued presence of Jedward in X-Factor, the only intentional humour that seems to be socially acceptable now is the toe-curlingly embarrassing array of catch-phrases peppering Strictly Come Dancing from Bruce Forsyth’s ancient, puckered mouth.

Whilst, then, we drown in crippling mediocrity and resign ourselves to ‘comedy’ that is more Russell Bland than Brand, it is important to consider whether us Brits are really losing our sense of humour or if too many are just jumping onto the apparent socially acceptable bandwagon of complaining. The British excel at complaining about anything and anyone, and social persuasion is rife in our culture.

Looking objectively at the Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand row over the apparent degradation of Georgina Baillie, Andrew Sachs’ granddaughter, it wouldn’t be unfair to deem Brand and Ross’ voicemail discussing the former’s sexual relations with her as inappropriate, especially live on air. 




However, given that this Georgina Baillie is part of a strip group called the Satanic Sluts and further to this she was initially proud of the mention, posting the clip on her MySpace page, their comments were hardly unfair. This is a girl who has made hardcore porn for public viewing and uses her sexuality as a way to pay the bills.

Whilst yes, Brand and Ross were a little out of order and pushed their prank too far, it was their bosses who decided to air it and deemed it socially acceptable with a warning. Comedy always holds the risk of offending people; that is half of its attraction. Risqué one-liners, taboo subjects and controversial topics are what drive humour, and the BBC’s recent decision to take no more creative risks is a saddening one. Given that only 2 people actually complained about the Radio show that it was broadcast on until the good old Daily Mail’s Sunday supplement stirred the shit, I had hoped that the further thousands of complainers were just angry that their tax money is funding these so-called comedians who, it was being reported, were offending the public.

However following the recent media frenzy surrounding THAT Jimmy Carr joke (the suggestion that we will have an amazing Paralympic team for 2012 due to the large number of amputees from Iraq and Afghanistan), I am not so sure. Carr is a comedian whose entire humour is centered around offending just about everything and everyone. Usual topics of jokes include rape, murder, obesity, paedophilia and beastiality to name but a few. (See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JHnMyiWNk4  for an example of sexism in his humour). One wonders about the moronic nature of people who pay to go and see such a man on tour knowing his sense of humour, then complain when they don’t like a particular joke.

Researching this further unearths a rather irritating statistic, though. Carr is currently in the middle of a 10-month tour. Each date plays to about 9,000 people. Only 2 people complained. Once again with this number that changes it from being a single anomaly to a multiple; enough for the media to pick up on it and create an unnecessary amount of fuss. Perhaps it is due to Poppy week (this also relates to my last blog) that there is so much sensitivity around this particular joke at this particular time. This has led me to once again question this industry that I am trying to break into. The media, and more specifically, Public Relations, seems to have the power to completely manipulate the masses. Society is told who to love and hate; who is good and who is bad. It was Andrew Sachs’ PR agent who was called by the Mail on Sunday and provoked into complaining, despite Sachs’ original permission to broadcast the telephone calls and it was the media who have blown Jimmy Carr’s joke out of proportion (in comparison to many of his other jokes) when so few of the actual public complained.

There’s nothing quite like a little bit of ‘political correctness gone mad’ to bring about a premature death of someone’s career, and it seems like the media are doing all they can to vilify the few genuinely amusing people to grace our screens and stages today. Is it because they are struggling for news? Or is it more of a keep up with the Jones’ in the world of print, where if one paper reports a story which generates some interest, the others scramble for similar readership and, having failed to generate any ‘shock’ stories of their own, are quick for a share in the glory? I find it more than a little worrying that stories such as these beat others such as earthquakes and murders to the headlines, yet these seem to be the stories that are favoured and shifting copies. Will Britain's love for a scandal lead to the eventual death of comedy?

Carnage by Name, Carnage by Nature?

Following the uproar and public outrage surrounding photos of student Philip Laing urinating on a war memorial during student bar crawl Carnage over the past few weeks, I am admittedly quite surprised that this could possibly lead to a jail sentence, as reported by BBC News today. Whilst I don’t deny that this is a despicable act with a complete lack of respect for the millions who died fighting for our country, as well as an act of public indecency, I can’t help but think that Laing is being used to make an example of.

How many people, especially men, can put their hand on their heart and honestly say that they have never urinated in a public place? Desperate times call for desperate measures especially once alcohol, a diuretic, is consumed, and whilst it perhaps is not a pleasant activity, I have seen men leaning against walls or in doorways urinating on almost every night out that I’ve been on. In saying this I am not defending this student’s case. The literal pissing on someone’s grave is disgusting and shows a complete lack of regard for people who were husbands, fathers, brothers and friends of many people who are still alive today. This brings me to another thought though – morbid though it is, graveyards are (for some completely inexplicable reason) often the place to hang out for youths both of today and in days gone by. It’s not unusual to hear of them being used the backdrop to losses of virginity, drugs deals and vodka sharing activities whilst teens go through their rebellious years. This, however, is rarely documented upon and they never get arrested for disrespecting the dead.

Scanning this week’s news across a number of national websites, my eye was caught by a flashing advert for CARNAGE UNCOVERED ; an ‘undercover’ article written by Nick Francis for the ever-classy Sun – ready as always to jump on the bandwagon of any news story with their own less-relevant twist. As bar crawl I enjoyed a number of times over my three year stint at Southampton University and did some promotional work for, Carnage is a termly night of fun which many students look forward to for a chance of thousands of like-minded piers to have a massive night out with large groups of friends.

                                    

Portrayed at a sleazy, irresponsible and grope-tastic money-drainer, the reporter (as ever with The Sun) casts a completely over-dramatic and exaggerated shadow of pervertedness as he presents the event to the readers as something that is, quite frankly, every parents’ nightmare. Given the assumed age and stage of life of Mr Francis, however, it is difficult to see how he might enjoy such an event anyway. Carnage is a student event; a bar crawl enjoyed as a blow-out to relieve mounting assignment and exam pressure and a sure-fire way to bump into the majority of the friends that you have made so far. It is also an opportunity to meet current friends’ house/flat/coursemates and widen your friendship circle. Why on Earth would Nick Francis enjoy a night like this, given that he is not entering the spirit of the event by drinking, does not know anyone else and presumedly isn’t studying for any upcoming exams?

Sure, there are hundreds of people who dress inappropriately. Sure, I’ve been one of them (to a certain degree – nowhere near the extent that is reported), but I regularly see even less clothing being worn on any night out in any town. Women these days have a habit of flashing too much flesh than may be entirely appropriate, which can quite often have the opposite of the desired effect. Regardless of this, the male readers of The Sun very rarely fall into the category of ‘men who value women for their intelligence and would rather more was left to the imagination,’ and by the numerous skimpy photos, it doesn’t look like the reporter was complaining. Given that the ‘uniform’ the partakers willingly pay for (before they sell out like hot-cakes) is a T-shirt, which is more often than not an XL unflattering fit, how it is worn is personal discretion.

Of course there were some women who go over the top and jump at the opportunity to wear little other than some French knickers, a heavily customized top which now bears more resemblance to a bra-strap than its original T-shirt form and a pair of ‘prostitute heels,’ but there will always be women who will make Jodie Marsh look under-stated, whether there is a dresscode involved or not. The number of bars visited is a good way for new students to find their way around their new hometown in the first semester, and the ‘horrifying tasks’ on the back of the shirts are rarely completed. Nick Francis writes in horror of challenges such as "Meet with a bad devil", "Get spanked by a naughty angel" and "Same-sex snog time" as if they are integral to the night out or even that bad, yet most of the T-shirts are so customized that the boxes are rarely visible to even get ticked.

The press have been quick to blame Philip Laing’s misdemeanor on Carnage itself, and even District Judge Andrew Browne stated that "Carnage is the name of the organisation who promote this type of activity and some might say that somebody should be standing alongside you this morning." This comment particularly angered me. Laing claimed to have drunk an entire bottle of whiskey before going out to this event – a feat that would probably have me in hospital having my stomach pumped before I’d got a quarter of the way through. Of course he doesn’t remember the night out – he would have been absolutely annihilated before even attending the event. Whilst Carnage does indeed go round many bars, this doesn’t necessarily promote people getting absolutely inebriated – when I’ve gone, half the time it’s too busy to get a drink in many of the places. There are no pressures to drink certain volumes like there are on crawls such as pub golf, so it makes me irritated that Carnage are being held partially responsible.

In today’s blame culture, very few people are taking responsibility for their own actions. How one dresses, drinks and behaves on Carnage is down to personal choice, just as with any other night out. At this age, we should be old enough to make the right choice and exercise some sort of self-control in terms of our behaviour. At any rate, Carnage employs a large number of stewards to almost police the event, ensure student safety, organize road crossings and be on the look-out for anyone in trouble, and also works in conjunction with the police to ensure extra safety. The same can’t be said for many other nights out at university or in general society. We are old enough to look after ourselves and whilst Philip Laing has made a stupid mistake, very few people are faultless. Part of growing up is experiencing getting too drunk, making mistakes and learning from them. Unfortunately this is a pretty hard and national mistake to learn from, but is it one which truly deserves a prison sentence rather than a fine and some community service?